So, there will be no judgement of me for this post. If you plan to judge, just don't read it, you might not like what I am about to say.
I would like my old life back... without babies! I'm wiped out. Pooped. Tired. And, right now I'd like to return them. Anyone know the return policy for infants? They're almost 7 months old... do they know they are making me crazy? No. No, they don't... BUT, THEY ARE. For no other reason than I have no clue what I'm doing from moment to moment... I'm new at this. I HATE, HATE, HATE being completely unable to fix a problem, or figure out what the problem is for that matter.
I am NOT that mom that picks up the baby on the first cry, or worries that they are going to hurt themselves... hell, Cole fell off the chair today. He cried a bit, but was fine! But, good grief, with 2 of them, 2 cries and the ability to fix one by picking them up... HELL YES I'M PICKING UP A BABY! However, it's hard to wash clothes, or make a bottle, or do a sink of dishes, much less go to the bathroom with a baby on your hip! They have figured out that they are bored. They want more! (I WANT MORE!!!!!) They've learned to pull their legs up into a frog position to keep from me putting them into their exersaucers, or bouncy things... Have also learned how to just about dump themselves out of the swing. Boy child has figured out how to roll and wiggle anywhere he wants to go, and for the most part it's always to a pair of shoes, which I guess taste good?!! I try everything they eat, but that will not be one of them!
I thought that moving down to be near family would mean that they readily offered to lend a hand... (we're not talking about my parents, because they're amazing) But, aunts and uncles and cousins that were so eager for me to move back have seen me and the kiddos all of maybe a dozen times! Really... Eager, huh?!! I'm about to call uncle though. I need someone to step in and take a kid, or 2, for a night, or a week, or however in the hell long they'd like. Something has gotta change!
As for moving back to Charlotte... I want to so bad I can't even see straight. I don't talk much about it anymore because I feel like I get poo-poo'd each time I bring it up... "so soon?", "but what about your parents?", "I figured you'd wait longer..", "why?", "you don't want your babies to not have their grandparents around, do you?".... SERIOUSLY PEOPLE.... I'm a big girl - a mom at that.... I'm not just chumming up ideas looking for shock value. That is where I want to live. No, I don't want my babies to grow up away from their grandparents, but I also don't want to live in Crawfordville/Tallahassee, and my parents aren't moving to Charlotte. Nor do they plan on staying in Crawfordville/Tallahassee past the point of my mom's retirement from the State. No, I'm not looking to make things harder on myself than they already are by living away from my parents, but at what time will be a good time? I'm going to have to do it sometime. Do I want to move tomorrow... NO, but do I want to move in the next 6 months, yes. SUPPORT ME!!!!! Just do it!
Needless to say, it's been a rough morning. Again, no judgement. I can't take it. This is simply a rant and will be gone by the end of the day... hell, it will be gone by 5pm when I have to pick up my twinkies that will be happier than anyone else in the world to see me!!! THAT'S RIGHT, HAPPIER THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD! I seriously need to keep reminding myself of that!
P.S. This single parenting shit SUCKS!
