Day 1...

Audrey's feeding me her crazy protein diet.  This week is 10 carbs or less per day, for the week.  Fuck.  That's insane.

Breakfast. 

2 whole large brown eggs, 1 large brown egg white.  2 cups of coffee, both with 2 packs of truvia and almond/coconut mild blend. 

Lunch. 

15 slices honey smoked turkey.  1 jalapeño string cheese.  8 pickles. 

Snack. 

Turkey pepperoni.  5 pickles. 

Dinner. 

Atlantic salmon with lemon pepper rub on a cedar plank.  Grilled.  

My chin touches my chest when I lie down.

Today.  

Breakfast.  2 pieces of bread from Acropolis, toasted with sea salt European butter.  3 cups of coffee, 1 Stevia each, and silk soy vanilla creamer. 

Lunch. Which wich. Lettuce which muffuletta with Swiss cheese added.  Salt and vinegar chips.  Chocolate chip cookie.  Handful of carrots, apple slices.  Diet Coke with splash of coke x2. 

Dinner.  Hawthornes.  Buffalo chicken pizza, 9in.  2 sides of ranch.  2 garlic knots. 2 white sangrias.  3 bites of spaghetti.  Half can of rose wine. 

That's a lot of food.  I'm fat.  Mom is skinnier than me at this point!  Let's do something.  Starts tomorrow.  

F Bombs

Prepping for Nick Jordan's birthday at Primal brewery.  Callie came in dressed silly, and I asked that she change her clothes.  Her response was "are you fucking serious?!"

Pistachios

From the backseat I just heard...  "Ewwwwww!!!!!" From Callie.   I'm immediately terrified.  They are eating pistachios in the backseat.   I hesitantly ask what is so gross and Callie says, "ewwwwwww, I don't want to touch his wet nuts...  Eww, his wet nuts in his mouth!"

I might have just peed a little laughing. 

Unprompted Cole

WITHOUT ANY prompting, ask your child these questions and write down EXACTLY what they say. It is a great way to find out what they really think. When you re-post put your Child's age.

Cole, a week before 5

1. What is something I always say to you? 

No

2. What makes me happy? 

Listening

3. What makes me sad? 

Not listening

4. How do I make you laugh? 

Telling me jokes

5. What was I like as a child?

Drawing unicorns

6. How old is your mom?

33

7. How tall is your mom?

8 inches long 

8. What is her favorite thing to do? 

Play with her children

9. What does your mom do when you're not around? 

Work

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? 

Because she works

11. What is your mom really good at? 

Working

12. What is your mom not very good at? 

Not working 

13. What does your mom do for a job?

Working

14. What is your moms favorite food? 

Zucchini and squash. 

Unprompted Callie

WITHOUT ANY prompting, ask your child these questions and write down EXACTLY what they say. It is a great way to find out what they really think. When you re-post put your Child's age.

Callie, a week before 5

1. What is something I always say to you? 

Feed the dogs

2. What makes me happy? 

Being friends

3. What makes me sad? 

Not being friends

4. How do I make you laugh? 

Tell jokes

5. What was I like as a child?

A cutie

6. How old is your mom?

33

7. How tall is your mom?

34inches

8. What is her favorite thing to do? 

Stay home

9. What does your mom do when you're not around? 

Work

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? 

For being nice

11. What is your mom really good at? 

Doing work

12. What is your mom not very good at? 

Not working

13. What does your mom do for a job? 

Always works

14. What is your moms favorite food? 

Hotdogs at Pinky's