oh my god, what have I gotten myself into?!!

So, as of this morning, the moving truck is booked...  I pick it up at 9am on 11/18, a Friday.  The current plan is to hire some dudes to come load all my shiz onto it the afternoon of the 18th and then lock it up until Monday morning (the 21st).  I am heading to my Dad's house for an early Thanksgiving with the babies on the 19th, staying the night and heading back on the 20th.  I will then be driving my car up onto a tow dolly to be trailered behind the moving truck as I make my way back to Charlotte, Cornelius specifically.

I've been doing all this "wanting" to get back to Charlotte, however I don't know if I am ready this soon.  I think it has to do with the fact that I've been given a specific date, and now the plans are in the works.  It also has to do with the fact that I'm going to be living on my own with the babies!  AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  Me, alone with 2 infants....  AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  No, it's not that bad, and I'm going to rock the hell out of it, but it is plain damn scary.  SCARY!!
Yes, I do everything as it is now, while living with my parents...  but, there is always someone there for that moment that a baby pukes everywhere and you just need to walk directly into the shower.  Or, to catch baby #2 as they go in a completely opposite direction than baby #1.  I don't want to say that I've taken my parents for granted at this point, but I might have.  They are a nice soft place to land for C&C, and the babies LOVE them... LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them!  And, yes I feed both of them at once, no problems, but it sure is nice to have someone else to feed a baby regularly.  Oh, and those days that mom does a sink of bottles for me, or folds a basket of laundry... 
I am definitely freaking out about how I am going to manage...  Not to mention, Emma now is my sole responsibility again too.  Dave takes her about about 75% of the time now... if not more.  I have done zero walking of her since I had them, and that is going to be a fun undertaking with 2 infants and walking a dog!  Here we come Red Flyer...(that's the red wagon, right?!)

Now, looking at this in a different manner...  It's me and them!  JUST ME AND THEM!!!  I can't wait to have my our own place - CANNOT WAIT!!  I have all these great ideas of how this is going to work out, and how cute our place is going to be!  I want people to come over and hang out and visit...  I want people to walk in and be blown away by how great it looks, all the while 2 infants live there!
I will be starting to cook at home, daily!  I'm going to have to add that into my blog, because it should be a good laugh for just about anyone that knows my addiction to eating out...  And, honestly it's not that much of an addiction as it is cheaper to eat out for 1 than cook at home.  However, living on my own, with 2 babies and no financial support from anywhere else will cause someone to become financially aware of every penny that is going out.  And, eating at home, and keeping them on a schedule is a BIG deal.  Not to mention, they're getting further and further away from formula being the main part of their diet, and eating more and more "people" food.  There's no telling what half of the places out there put in their foods, or spices they use...  I'm just going to be on the safe side and make it myself.  NO CHICKEN NUGGETS FOR MY 2!!
Needless to say, I'm also super excited about doing this in general.  Yes, this is a contradiction to my afore written paragraphs, but I am REALLY excited.  This is going to be really great me my twinkles and I....  It's going to be a super huge self confidence boost for me.  And, what happens if I fail miserably?!!  Well, that's not going to happen, so I don't have an answer, nor need one!  :)

I will keep you posted as I know I'm going to be losing my mind regulary over the next 30 days...  I can feel the tidal wave of emotion that will be waiting to gush out...  (I really hate the word "gush"!)

As of 11/21 though, I will officially be back in NC!  Happy Thanksgiving to me.

As my last post ended, and I kind of chuckled as I re-read it, I might make that a regular.  One love.  I'm out.  Word to your mother.  (I can be ghetto with the best of them!)

Jam Jar - Sweet Shiraz!

First of all, go check out Jam Jar - Sweet Shiraz, it's fantastic!!! So. Effing. Good.

Second, god love my parents who watched the babies for a couple of hours. I have needed a break lately, and finally got a small one. These days, a break's a break though. Was able to hightail it into town and catch up with my friend April who is just amazing. She's able to put a positive spin on just about any situation, and if she can't she'll pour you another glass of wine!! Love her.

Third, I have come to the conclusion that I have what is the greatest group of friends, ever. They are all incredibly smart, and by far much smarter than me. And, they are ALL hysterical. I mean, really funny. Catch your breath and turn away as not to pee on yourself funny. I came to this conclusion after getting a text, while having dinner with the afore mentioned April that was something to the effect of "My nipple wishes to FaceTime with someone. Please oblige him.". Come to find out, my friend Dave was trying everyone he knew with FaceTime to get to answer to be able to show off his chafed nipple from the half marathon he ran... Seriously, who does that?!! No one but my friends, and I'd have it no other way! The funny thing is, even in the different circles of friends that I have, they're all equally as funny! I sure have lucked out... Not sure how I've gathered those that surround me, but I am thankful everyday, for everyone of them... I sure hope you all know that!!

Last but not least, I read a quote the other day that has resinated in my head everyday since reading it. It said "someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else". I have found so much solice in this... And, good Lord do I hope it is true. I'm the mom of twins, and those 2 smiles rock my world, but at a much deeper level, I want to share ME with someone who wants ME for everything I am, twins and all! Funny friends and all. Entire bottle of wine drinking and all. Just all of me. And, will I find "him", yes. Yes, I will. One day. And, who's to say I haven't already and don't know it yet... Glasses up, here's to hoping and believing.

See what 3 hours out will do?!! Isn't it great?! Hope the weekend has treated you well. One love. I'm out. Word to you're mother.

A better good!

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. - e.m. forster

After participating in the Walk for a Cure today, for Alzheimer's, I found myself underwhelmed by my recent involvement with such wonderful organizations. Especially those that I believe so wholeheartedly in! I will be... No, have to, make a point to seek those types of activities out! Day to day life can be one so mundane and repetitive (especially with kids, if you let it!) that we all sit back and watch those folks that actually make a point to participate, as opposed to just signing up. It cost nothing today! Not all of them are free, but I sure as hell would give up a night out for dinner to be able to feel as good as I felt leaving today's event!

Not only do I love the way that I felt leaving the park today (minus the 10 minute uphill part of the trek pushing 50lbs, when I thought I was going to pass out...), but I want to make sure that my Callie and Cole are aware of their ability to contribute to a greater good by just getting involved. I don't remember being exposed to those type of events as a kid, and I want to make sure that I do that for them!!

I can't wait to get back out there, with them! I love them feeling of knowing that I am participating in something greater than me!!

the art of travel...

So, on a recommendation, I watched The Art of Travel (http://www.imdb.com/find?s=all&q=the+art+of+travel) last night and I am ready to strap a baby to the front of me and one to the back of me and head to Central/South America!  Panama, Columbia, Peru... especially Peru to see Machu Pichu, and Bolivia!  I want to travel so bad!!  I want, want, want to travel!!!!  So, now I have to buy 2 tickets (one for me and one baby, and another for the second baby), but damnit, I will be one pissed off Momma if by the time I'm done in this life if I've never travelled where I want to go!  Soooooooo, time to apply for my passport!  And, a a savings account is started!  First, Costa REEKA (Rica, for those who don't get it!), but that trip will hopefully be sans bambinos!!

That's all.  I just want to travel!  So I have babies...  They're going to be world travelled babies!  (Check back with me in a year to make sure I wasn't telling stories here!! :D)

... check please...

So, there will be no judgement of me for this post.  If you plan to judge, just don't read it, you might not like what I am about to say.

I would like my old life back...  without babies!  I'm wiped out.  Pooped.  Tired.  And, right now I'd like to return them.  Anyone know the return policy for infants?  They're almost 7 months old... do they know they are making me crazy?  No.  No, they don't... BUT, THEY ARE.  For no other reason than I have no clue what I'm doing from moment to moment...  I'm new at this.  I HATE, HATE, HATE being completely unable to fix a problem, or figure out what the problem is for that matter.

I am NOT that mom that picks up the baby on the first cry, or worries that they are going to hurt themselves... hell, Cole fell off the chair today.  He cried a bit, but was fine!  But, good grief, with 2 of them, 2 cries and the ability to fix one by picking them up... HELL YES I'M PICKING UP A BABY!  However, it's hard to wash clothes, or make a bottle, or do a sink of dishes, much less go to the bathroom with a baby on your hip!  They have figured out that they are bored.  They want more!  (I WANT MORE!!!!!)  They've learned to pull their legs up into a frog position to keep from me putting them into their exersaucers, or bouncy things...  Have also learned how to just about dump themselves out of the swing.  Boy child has figured out how to roll and wiggle anywhere he wants to go, and for the most part it's always to a pair of shoes, which I guess taste good?!!  I try everything they eat, but that will not be one of them!

I thought that moving down to be near family would mean that they readily offered to lend a hand... (we're not talking about my parents, because they're amazing)  But, aunts and uncles and cousins that were so eager for me to move back have seen me and the kiddos all of maybe a dozen times!  Really...  Eager, huh?!!  I'm about to call uncle though.  I need someone to step in and take a kid, or 2, for a night, or a week, or however in the hell long they'd like.  Something has gotta change!

As for moving back to Charlotte...  I want to so bad I can't even see straight.  I don't talk much about it anymore because I feel like I get poo-poo'd each time I bring it up... "so soon?", "but what about your parents?", "I figured you'd wait longer..", "why?", "you don't want your babies to not have their grandparents around, do you?"....  SERIOUSLY PEOPLE.... I'm a big girl - a mom at that.... I'm not just chumming up ideas looking for shock value.  That is where I want to live.  No, I don't want my babies to grow up away from their grandparents, but I also don't want to live in Crawfordville/Tallahassee, and my parents aren't moving to Charlotte.  Nor do they plan on staying in Crawfordville/Tallahassee past the point of my mom's retirement from the State.  No, I'm not looking to make things harder on myself than they already are by living away from my parents, but at what time will be a good time?  I'm going to have to do it sometime.  Do I want to move tomorrow... NO, but do I want to move in the next 6 months, yes.  SUPPORT ME!!!!!  Just do it!

Needless to say, it's been a rough morning.  Again, no judgement.  I can't take it.  This is simply a rant and will be gone by the end of the day...  hell, it will be gone by 5pm when I have to pick up my twinkies that will be happier than anyone else in the world to see me!!!  THAT'S RIGHT, HAPPIER THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD!  I seriously need to keep reminding myself of that!

P.S.  This single parenting shit SUCKS!

Baby A - 1, Mom - 0

Happy Monday...  For you maybe!  I've been peed on, puked on, shit on, annnnd I had to go to work!

This morning seemed great - got my ever revolving not enough sleep, but was feeling good this morning!  Bottles were pre-prepared, all of their laundry was done, things were put up from the weekend, it was a good morning!  Cole got up before Callie, which is pretty normal, however he had peed so much throughout the night that it had soaked through his onesie all over the front of him...  That'll make you never want to pick up a baby into a hugging position without immediately checking to see if they smell like pee!  Got him diapered, cleaned and changed... changed my shirt and off to feed my little man.  He ate like a champ, as he always does, loved on me, and we giggled and played for a bit while Callie was still asleep. 
As I started to hear her getting restless and close to waking up, he found my chin to gnaw on...  and just like that, he's gagged himself on my chin (not sure how) and gave me the little squishy faced, "I think I might yack" look.  Oh no, not just a little spit up, he proceeded to projectile vomit all 7.5 ounces of a bottle back on me, from my chin to my knees - missing himself entirely!  Ahhhhhhhh - I HATE PUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I waddled, shirt rolled up, leaning back to keep it from rolling down me, with him to the bathroom, laid him on the floor and got right in the shower - clothes and all.  Got out, picked him up and rinsed his face over the sink, to which he was sticking out his tongue as if to say "rinse it out mom"...  Being as overzealous as I was, he then needed a new outfit.
Poor Miss Callie, she's SO patient!!!  Once he was changed and settled back down, I put him in his bouncy seat and tended to her.  Diapered, dressed and fed, all in 25 minutes, and in the exersaucer for a little play before her morning nap.  She's so stinkin' cute!!  Really, really cute...  especially when the other has put you through your paces!!
Sat for a minute to drink a little coffee and Cole decided he wasn't happy, or was bored, or something...  Turns out, he was uncomfortable because he had shit up to his shoulder blades!  Really kid?!!??!!!  How in the world??!!!  This is where I am NOT good at this motherhood thing...  I gagged the whole way back to their room to change him...  Physically gagging!!
I had to MacGuyver his outfit off of him to keep from poop getting into his hair and ears, and all over the top of his head, which he found super fun!  He was just a squirming and tossing and turning to look at everything around us, as if there wasn't poop all over his back - Goodbye changing pad cover, Hello bleach!
Head back out to the living room with my clean kid... Did I mention how cute Callie is??  She was just hanging out in the exersaucer, happy as ever!  I know she's going to have her day, and Cole is going to be the cutest ever, but today is her day!!
Prepared bottles as quickly as possible, and got them to daycare as quickly as possible!  No more pee, puke, and poop for me for a couple hours...  I don't think I could manage anymore this morning...  This whole being a mom of twins thing definitely has its perks - like 2 smiles!!  BUT, the 3 P's (pee, puke, and poop) SUCK, and ALL on me in the same morning SUCKS even worse...  I NEED A DRINK!!