What does the letter look like?! Well... This.

Hi, my name is Erica and I am the mother of Jake's children.  You have 4 year old twin grandchildren.  I don't know if Jake has ever shared with you, but he fathered a set of twins in February 2011. He was as informed as he wanted to be, however he opted out of all participation. He wasn't ready to be a father, I believe is how he said it, saying in the same text that he knew they would have a great mom.  And, they do.

I've thought about this letter since before I gave birth, not knowing whether or not you knew or if it was my place to tell you.  However, as of late, I am feeling more and more that if my son were to father children and didn't want to be involved in their life, I would at least want to be given the option.  So, here it is.

Callie Grace Bryan and Cole Jennings Bryan were born February 2, 2011.  They have my last name.  Callie was 5lbs 9oz, and Cole was 6lbs 12ozs.  They were healthy from day one.  They are the happiest, smartest, kindest children I've ever met.  They are the most beautiful kids I've ever laid eyes on.  They look so much like me, both of them, but the resemblance to Jake, and the one picture of you that I've seen is uncanny.  They look like you both.

I'm not reaching out to you because I want anything.  I do not need anything from you.  Callie and Cole do not want for or need anything - they truly do not know they are missing anything at this age.  The support we have from my family has been more than I could have ever asked for.

However, I'm reaching out as an opening.  The day will come when they will ask about Jake.  I have no intentions of lying to them, but I also do not want them to resent me because I never tried.  They are going to have questions about your family that I cannot answer, and honestly, I'd prefer they don't show up on your doorstep at the age of 16 being unknown.

Where I struggle is that I will NEVER force them into anyone's life that cannot, or does not love them unconditionally.  This is why I've never forced the issue with Jake.  I spoke to Jake in October 2011, they were 9 months old, or so.  We spoke about paternity and child support and all he had were excuses - the conversation was cordial.  He didn't have a job at the time, had hurt his back or something.  He was living at home with you and your husband at the time.  He didn't once ask about them or their well being.  At that moment I decided to let the issue rest.  There was no need to put them or myself through the task of forcing Jake to care about something he was not capable of caring for.

I don't know if you all still live in North Carolina, or if you've moved back to New Hampshire.  I have no intentions of tracking you, or Jake, down - but, am allowing you to reach out to me if you're interested after what I've shared.

The last 4 years have been the hardest of my life, and this letter has been harder than all 4 of those combined.  Callie and Cole are the best things that have ever happened to me, I'm thankful everyday for them.